Tapioca Pudding: That's congealed sperm nuggets in that pudding. I'm not fooled.

Bubble Tea: With extra-large, fish-eye-looking, Jolly Green Giant sperm nuggets. In frothy tea. What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

Red Bull: Why is it not red? That makes no sense. Why does it taste like Sweet Tarts and Robitussin? Why do people drink it willingly?

Bull Blasters: Red Bull and Jaegermeister?! What the fuck?!

Nickleback: I don’t think I even need to explain this one.

The price of tampons: Seriously—these little bitches are expensive!! Why do I have to be ass-reamed in order to be able to shove a wad of cotton in my pink place? I didn't ask to bleed, you know. Tampons should be free. Period.

Tom Cruise: see above re: Nickleback.